No room for boasting

The LORD said to Gideon, 'The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, 'My own hand has saved me.'" Judges 7:2

Gideon is one of the guys listed in the Hebrews 11 "hall of faith" and his place in God's story is found in Judges 6-8. When he is first called by the Lord to deliver Israel from Midianite oppression he is addressed as a "mighty man of valor." The verses that follow, however, would incline one to view that as a rather facetious statement. Gideon seemed anything but valiant.

But, who am I to talk? I'm not the ideal missionary. I'm not nearly as brave as I'd like people to think I am. My trust in God is not equivalent to what I know it should be in light of all of His faithfulness to me. In the midst of the political anxiety that had recently gripped Cambodia during & after the recent elections there were times that I had felt fearful and anxious. Of course, it is not bad to be wisely cautious, but, I had to wrestle with questions like, "What am I really willing to risk for the sake of the Kingdom?" And even when things are relatively normal, I wrestle with wondering how effective I am. Is my effort going to have an impact? I'm an idealist and in my idealistic imaginings I am the kind of disciple who is willing to weather any storm with steadfast faith; the kind of follower of Jesus who would do anything He asked without question or complaint. But in my emotional response to the recent political tension, as in so many other things, I find that my real self does not measure up to my ideal self. But maybe that's okay. Maybe it's not about what I can bring to the table so much as just my being willing to show up, knees knocking as they may be.

Because as I was talking a few days ago with a fellow sojourner, I was so encouraged to be reminded how much God is doing through my being here which has been totally beyond my control. It's just one of those paradoxical ways that God works. I can see that there are some really good things happening here through the ABLE ministry that very likely would not be happening if I had not come, and yet I can take virtually no credit for them. A prime example of this is our hiring of Savorn, ABLE's community rehabilitation team member in the village. Being so culturally and linguistically distant from the village, I was completely dependent on our other village staff to find someone to fill this role. The way it all played out, I didn't really even have a chance to explain to them exactly what we were looking for, and so, when she started, I kind of had to just hope for the best. Well, as I've seen Savorn at work, I have been blessed beyond all I could have hoped for. She has been a very receptive learner in all that Srey Ny (our Khmer physiotherapist) and I have been teaching her, and she really seems to have a heart for serving these children and families. The other village staff have commented on how impressed they are with the improvement they are seeing in some of the children we've been working with, and we could not have had this kind of impact without Savorn's consistent follow up. In God's providence, the dream I had for this ministry is starting to take shape and I have no room for boasting, only gratitude. 

Savorn, ABLE's community rehabilitation team member

When You Can't See The Forest For The Trees

Cambodian Mangrove Forest

(Photo courtesy of 9comeback / freedigitalphotos.net)

When I was in my Intro to Missions class at Dallas Theological Seminary I was really energized by seeing "the big picture" view of God's plan for the salvation of people from all across the world; how this theme of a master plan of redemption is woven throughout the Scripture from Genesis to Revelation, and how He has been using everyday people throughout history to bring it about. It was encouraging to think that we all have an opportunity to participate in a plan of epic proportions that is guaranteed to succeed, and to realize that what is required of me is not stellar performance, but faithfulness.

 Fast forward to today. The thrill of that dream can get lost in the ebb and flow of everyday life. I see problems that I don't know how to solve, I see hurts that I don't know how to heal, I see barriers that I don't know how to breach, and I feel incompetent in areas that I previously viewed as strengths. All of that coupled with little aggravations of life in a developing country that are not really such a big deal in and of themselves but start to feel heavy when they pile on you all at once (as they seem to do at times). Yes, I sometimes find my view of God's big picture is blocked by a gnarly tree planted six inches in front of my face.

 But the awesome "Master Planner" is also a tender Shepherd. He knows when I need help to re-shape my perspective. Like when I was in church yesterday and, seeing some new friends I had met recently, I was reminded of the big picture plan. These sweet ladies are Chinese Christians who are in Cambodia learning Khmer to be able to share the gospel with Cambodians. How awesome is that? Totally unrelated to what I am doing in Cambodia, but all part of the same master plan. Also, I just had a visit from my WorldVenture International Ministry Director and his wife, and as we talked about my current struggles, he pointed out that these struggles are not the same as the struggles I had less than a year ago. Then many of my struggles were related to just learning to survive in a new culture. Now my struggles are so much more related to doing ministry in this context. That means that I am doing ministry. As frustrating as my limitations can feel, people are being shown the love of Jesus and I am reminded that He can do more with my five loaves of bread and two fish than I could ever hope to imagine. And all that is required of me is faithfulness.

Expectations

The "outhouse"

Inside the "outhouse"

The Lord provided me with a funny object lesson in expectations about a month ago. It was when I went out to the village with my newly hired Khmer physiotherapist to check out the new office space which was also to serve as our accommodations in future visits out to the village. We plan to spend about 4 days every other week out in the village evaluating children, developing treatment plans for them, and training our field staff person who will follow through with implementing the plans during the time that we are not there. I knew that for at least a few months we would not have electricity. I decided I'd better get a handle on what the bathroom situation was going to be as well. Since bathrooms in the village (for those who have them) are often what we in the U.S. would call outhouses, I ventured out behind the office and spotted what seemed to be the most likely option. Peering inside, my suspicions were confirmed. "Oh Lord," I prayed, "I know that You can help me do this," resigning myself to the squatty-potty and the tank of water which I anticipated I would have to use to bathe by the dipper-full as most Cambodians are accustomed to doing. No sooner had I breathed this prayer of somewhat reluctant submission, than the landlord called out in Khmer to tell me that the bathroom was inside. I was seeing a bathroom, but not the one we were going to be using. I went in to check out the new alternative and I just had to laugh at the Lord's tender sense of humor. Had I seen this bathroom first, I have to confess that I may not have been overly impressed, but, when I saw it after seeing what it could have been, man was I grateful!! Yes, expectations are huge in how we respond to situations.

Hurray! An actual shower & sit-down toilet!

That got me thinking about the weight of expectations that I experience in a lot of other areas, including my expectations and hopes about the future (some of which appear to be in conflict with each other), my expectations of my own performance in the tasks ahead, and my perception of other people's expectations of me, whether that be Khmer people, expat co-workers, or supporters back home. I trust that the Lord, in His abundant mercy, will help me to submit all of these expectations to Him and trust His faithful, gentle shepherding of me in all that He's called me to do.

Cambodian Christmas

"Same Same, But Different." These are the words from a t-shirt design that is popular here in Cambodia (as well as some other places in Southeast Asia I've noticed). It has "Same Same" printed on the front, "But Different" on the back. I can't help having these words pop into my head as I experience my first Christmas in Cambodia. There are Christmas trees here that look much like those one would see in the U.S. as well as tinsel garlands and other familiar decor, yet the overall composition usually has a Southeast Asian flair. In church there were Christmas songs, all in Khmer, some having familiar tunes, while most did not. There was the Christmas story which I got to see represented in two different church services, my own church today, and the church of one of my Khmer co-worker friends who invited me to go with her last week. In each there was the inclusion of some comic elements, something I don't generally see when watching the Christmas story re-enacted in the U.S. (at least not intentionally, though children's programs often have some unintended comic elements).

So, it's not like being home for Christmas, but I'm making Cambodia my home for now so I'm learning to appreciate the differences. I thought it would be fun to give you a little taste of the church service from today at my Khmer church, Gospel Commission Fellowship. I only got a few clips before I ran out of battery so you won't get to see any of the Christmas story re-enactment in which Mary cries out  in Khmer, "my stomach hurts, my stomach hurts," as Joseph is trying to find room for them at one of the inns. (I hear this is a common feature of Khmer Christmas plays). Anyway, hope you enjoy!

On Tuesday I am going to spend Christmas day out in a rural village with one of my sweet Khmer teachers. It is her home province and her mother still lives there. It should be another fun adventure!

Immersed

Local village woman fishing

A home in the village

Now that my period of intense language study is past (though I am still taking classes and will continue to actively engage in language learning both formally and informally), I have been getting progressively more involved in my role as project manager for the CIF disability program. I am getting more and more glimpses of the joys and challenges that lie ahead and yesterday was pretty significant in that regard. It's been a long time since I've had the opportunity to go out to the village and I was really itching to get out there. The Children in Families office is in Phnom Penh, where I live, but a lot of the children and families we serve are in a rural village two hours away by "taxi." This trip often involves sharing a Toyota Camry with 5-6 other people including the driver (actually 8 if you include the 2 small children that were in the car on the way back), a ferry ride across the Mekong river, and at least a couple of stops for snacks (Cambodians love their snacks on road trips). I do have to confess that this time around I paid double to have the front passenger seat all to myself. I felt a little guilty about it on the ride back to Phnom Penh, since the driver was sharing his seat with one of the other passengers, so I offered to give up the privilege but the offer was declined. After the 2-hour taxi ride it takes another 15-20 minutes by motorcycle to get out to the lead family's home on a road that is currently impassible by car. Once I had gotten into the taxi to leave Phnom Penh it was a day of full immersion into Khmer language and culture. Our national director, Ravy, was with me so she did help me out in a few spots, but for the most part I was fully engaged in the Cambodia experience in this piece of countryside where the English speaker does not have the safety net that tourism and hosting development workers have provided in Phnom Penh and elsewhere. (The pictures above were actually taken when I visited the village in 2010, but I included them to give you a visual glimpse of what it's like. Also, the video about Sam Ang in my last post was taken in the same area.)

One of the encouraging things about this trip was that I could speak and understand a LOT more Khmer than the last time I was in the village. Of course one would hope that this would be the case, but I was quite pleased to recognize that there was a noticeable difference. Thanks be to God!! On the flipside, I still have a long way to go and there is still so much more that I want to be able to share with families than I am currently linguistically able to do. Another significant feature of the day was that I learned an important nuance about the meaning of a Khmer word that really helps my understanding of Khmer culture. In Khmer class I had been taught that the Khmer word pronounced kind of like "a-nut" means "pity" in English. It's been a hard word for me to get used to because the word "pity" in English has kind of negative connotations - no one really wants to be pitied. In places where we Americans feel bad for someone's circumstances and would tend to say something like, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," it doesn't work to say the equivalent in Khmer. If my Khmer teacher has a cold I shouldn't say, "I'm sorry," I should say, "I pity (a-nut) you." Well, in the village, Ravy, told me that "a-nut" meant "to have compassion for." What a difference such a subtle word shift can make! Pity and compassion are fairly synonymous, but the difference in feeling that each one evokes, for me at least, is significant. Ravy went on to tell me that, in Cambodian culture, compassion is understood to be a stronger force than love. Wow! What a valuable insight! I'll never think of the word "a-nut" the same way again! Goes to show how complicated language and culture learning can be and how presumptions can lead to unfortunate and inaccurate conclusions. Another encouragement for me was being able to provide some practical support to a few of the children and their families. At the same time, I was faced with the challenge of a meeting a particular child whom I found delightful, though significantly impaired, and later learning that his family is having a hard time accepting him. One elderly relative is currently caring for him but she fears that he is more than she can handle and no one else seems to want to step up. I will be consulting with my Khmer colleagues to work out a plan for how to encourage this family both through practical help and through demonstrating a Christian worldview on the value of this precious child. Clearly we are dependent on the Spirit of the Living God to work significant, positive, and lasting change in families and societies.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."   2 Corinthians 1:4

A Beautiful Story

I've been wanting to share this video for some time and, as I was preparing to include it in this blog post, I started thinking about how wild it is that I get to be involved with this family's story through Children in Families. Please watch this video and then read on.....



I've had the privilege of meeting Sam Ang and he is such a bright, charming, delightful little boy. I thought this video captured the best of what CIF is about. What struck me today though, is that when God first planted a seed in my heart to pursue the kind of ministry I'm doing now, one of the things He used was a television feature I saw when I was in college (I think it was 20/20) about the problems experienced by orphans in Romania who had been placed in overcrowded, understaffed orphanages. Some of these children went into the orphanage with very mild disabilities but became profoundly disabled because of the lack of stimulation, love, and affection they received. They were given food and water and not much else. I was struck with the need that existed for physical therapy services in other parts of the world and felt compelled to prepare to one day use my chosen profession as a means to love children with disabilities with the love of Christ. I am marveling that in my current role I am not only using my background and skills to show the love of Christ to children with disabilities and their families in a place where there is great need, but I get to do it with an organization that is actively working to reduce the institutionalization of children in all situations through family based care. Our organization is not perfect - we are constantly learning and growing - but Sam Ang's story is a great example of what God is doing through CIF and I think it's awesome to think how God has been connecting lives, weaving people like me and Sam Ang into His big beautiful story.